3 WAYS TO MANAGE A TOXIC MOTHER

A toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by a behaviour of a toxic partner

that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner. 

A toxic relationship damages self-esteem and drains energy. A toxic relationship, is not a safe place. Characteristics of a toxic relationship is feeling of insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance, control. You are at risk at being or staying in such a relationship. 

Worthy of note is that a toxic relationship is between two people, there is the victim and the toxic personality. A toxic relationship cuts across abusive boyfriend or girlfriend, spouses, coworkers and also amongst family members.

A toxic personality is one who engages in

inappropriate controlling and manipulative behaviors on regular basis.

What happens if the toxic personality is your beloved mother?

She portrays you to others around, such as relatives or friends as being ungrateful, frustrated, troubled person who looks for whom to blame for how your life turned out, or she voices out details of what you might have told her to relatives, belittling you and making you feel drained, unfulfilled, not feeling good about yourself or regret having her in your life.

Some toxic mothers are just abusive as they picked up such habit along the way, maybe through hard life experiences or just learned responses. 

THREE WAYS YOU COULD MANAGE THE SITUATION

1. The first and most important step is the acceptance of who your mother is, you cannot choose who your mother is, or can you?

2. Set boundaries. Let your goal be on self control. Instead of being on the defensive or trying to attack her with words which would only lead to argument and accusations. Let her know your feelings in simply and short sentences, such as "this works best for me" or " please let it go", am not saying she will accept your feelings immediately but she gets the message you are sending which is you don't accept any longer the way she treats you or makes you feel. 

You do not need to abuse your mother, the Holy Book says to 'honour your parents'. You just stand your ground on what you want, having at the back of your mind that you are an adult not a child. Though you will always wish for and grieve a relationship you wished you shared with your mother.

3. Mothers do have a great effect on their children especially during disagreement. If the toxic relationship between you and your mother affects your health,my dear its high time to really think hard about the situation and find a lasting solution. Developing high blood pressure isn't a child's play as it could lead to life threatening situations. That's when you need to seek help from God, seek counsel from Men of God, you can also seek professional help from a psychologist.

I came across this Mark Tyrrell's Therapy Techniques, you could check it out, find out what solution will work for you.

BUT THE LOVE OF A MOTHER IS SWEETER THAN SUGAR.

5 THINGS A MAN SHOULD NOT DO TO A WOMAN

5 THINGS A MAN SHOULD  NOT DO TO A WOMAN

Ø  I am sure you have heard of people breaking up with people by text messages, which I think is a bad idea. But the main thing is proposing by text message. That is a big no for me. Proposing by text message??

I mean is this man out of his senses. Even if the man does not have the money to take the woman to an expensive restaurant. That should not be an issue. The main point is that the proposal should be done face to face. Sending a proposal by text, in my opinion, tells me how little the man values the woman or that he didn’t take time to think about the proposal and if I may be so bold to add, that he is a coward.

Ø  Never put a woman down, just because she has done something that a man should have done.

An example, if both a man and a woman are going somewhere in a car and the car happened to have a flat tire and the woman decides to change the tire instead of waiting for the mechanic, then let her. The man should not bash her or insult her or say something like “I don’t want a man” as if to say God made a mistake in her identity.

photo credit:www.dailyclipart.net

 

Ø  Another thing a man should not do to a woman is insult her. some men cannot take it if a woman he is wooing refuses, before you kow it he tells her so many hurtful things such as; that she should be happy that he is telling her that he loves her, and that there are other women that would love to hear that.

First of all, we as human beings are not all the same, so just because a particular   woman is not interested or does not fall head over heels for a man when words of love is spoken by the man, should not attract insult from the man.

Ø  Never use the woman as a money vending machine.

You might ask is that possible? Well the answer is yes. Back in the days when girls were girls; a friend of mine who was very young and naïve fell prey to this guy, he was fully employed and earning income then my girl who is merely a student. This guy used every tactics in the book get money from her, and she some many times had to borrow from friends to satisfy the gold digging Bf.

Ø  Never tell the woman you are wooing or in a relationship with that you dated a beauty queen or about your sexual conquest with other women.

You should appreciate her for who and how she is, a big NO to comparism of physical, emotional characteristics.

I would like to recommend the books by Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages, The Five Love Language (Singles edition) and Love is a Verb. You can also research online for his other books in the “love language series”